7 ways to build eleven plus exam confidence
As a tutor, I’m often asked by parents how they can help their child to do better with their eleven-plus preparation, so they’ll ace their actual year 6 tests, for entrance into their senior schools in year 7.
Historically, when asked, there used to be two key skills I used to tell parents their children needed to have in bucket-loads.
The first one was ‘times tables skills,’ and the second one was ‘have them go read a lot.’
Both are, in my mind, essential, not just for the task of passing their eleven plus but so as to set them up for success in their senior school thereafter (and I’ve talked about them previously).
But I’ll admit I’ve been saying the wrong things, providing parents with a short-changed wrong answer to their question, because there’s a third key facet, a third key skill or ability which I believe underpins the whole shooting match of what the eleven-plus stands for… and that’s self-confidence.
Without it, your child won’t go the extra mile (or kilometre these days) required of them to work that extra question, look up that extra word, or work out that extra picture question, so they’ll fall just that little bit short of their potential.
But with it, they’ll try a little harder, keep going a little longer, and be willing to re-work that question, Just. One. More. Time.
What is Eleven Plus Exam Confidence?
Simply put, 11+ exam confidence is when your child has enough of a belief in themselves to feel confident they’ll do very well in their entrance tests, whatever they find on their actual test papers.
It’s not something which appears, like a genie out of a lamp, when called upon, but something which resides in them 24/7.
It’s something which grows within them, it’s growth being nurtured, or stifled, by millions of little actions, some occurring when you (their parents) are around, and other times when you’re out of earshot.
A passport to success
Having confidence or self-confidence is like being given a passport to success, an extra roll of dice, or an extra life in your favourite game.
To others who lack it, that feeling of self-confidence can appear like an unfair advantage but I’d suggest that the opposite is true; it’s those children without self-confidence who have an unfair disadvantage.
It’s rather like having two jockeys riding in a race and at the weighing-in both are found to weigh the same, but one of them is told they’ll have to carry some extra weights, to slow them down, and to make their race for success that bit harder.
That’s how it is for children who don’t have self-confidence; it knocks them for six.
The fact is, preparing to take entrance tests is stressful, whether that’s 13+, 11+, 10+, 7+ or even younger (yes, there are some schools with tests for younger than 7).
I’m not going to suggest that you actually sit down and ask your son or daughter for their answers to these questions, but why not read through the list below and ask yourself, ‘What would my child say as an answer?’
You know them better than anyone else, so let’s start with a quick assessment of where they might score. Even if you’re not sure what they’d score on these questions, simply the act of thinking about this, putting yourself in your children’s shoes as such, will help you to help them increase their confidence.
This is because it’ll help to ‘prime your mind’ as to those issues which could conspire to reduce their chances of them doing well with their eleven plus preparation.
How confident is your child?
Before you go ahead and consider your child in relation to the following questions, let me ask you a question.
Question: Who do you think influences, (or should influence) your child the most?
Answer: You!
That’s right, and so the way you feel about your own confidence will find its way into helping to shape how confident your child feels about themselves, too.
For example, I’ve worked with some children who started prep late, were behind with their studies, middle-ranking performers as such, but their parents were so strongly supportive of them that they blossomed, and secured an 11+ pass.
Conversely, I’ve worked with families who were so harsh marking, so willing to ‘come down like a ton of bricks’ on their child’s errors, that eventually that child said ‘no more,’ and they called time on the eleven plus entirely.
So, be careful what you think, feel and say when you’re around your children.
To provide a quick assessment as to your child’s current state of confidence, take a look at each of the 10 statements below and rate how you answer them about yourself on a scale of 1-10 (where 1 means that’s not really them and 10 means that’s really like how they’d think).
Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask you for your score!
Quick ten-question test
- I don’t like saying ‘no’ to others in case they dislike me.
- I feel guilty when I want to do things for myself.
- I’ll often compare myself unfavourably with others.
- Secretly, I’m a little frightened about becoming more successful than I am already.
- I’m often quite hard on myself, put myself down or beat myself up over things.
- I usually expect to get new things right very quickly, without making any mistakes.
- I keep playing over in my mind things I’ve done wrong.
- I’ll often agree with others ‘to keep the peace’ even when I know I’m in the right.
- I’ll often ‘second-guess’ or doubt myself, and then discover I was right all the time.
- I can get stuck making decisions – not knowing what to do, or keep changing my mind
Your score
Under 30 – It sounds like you’re in the red zone, not as confident as you could be and your children could be learning those traits from you, too.
30-70 – you’re in the amber zone – if you can focus on being more confident that’s going to rub off on your children and they’re going to become more confident too, and that’s going to help their 11+ score tremendously.
Over 70 – Looks like you’ve got a green light and you’re good to go. Just make sure your confidence isn’t like the skin of a balloon – easily burst at the first sign of pressure.
What is eleven plus exam confidence?
As adults we’re able to ‘focus on a goal,’ ‘set out sights on the future,’ or ‘stick with the game plan.’ But your son or daughter, when preparing for their eleven plus tests, may not have yet developed that level of maturity and will therefore need regular reinforcement to help them stay on that journey.
You might see the benefits they’ll gain from getting into a particular grammar school or independent school. They, on the other hand, may feel that it’s ‘unfair’ they’re attending tutoring sessions, having to do ‘ten-minute test’ or drills every day, especially when most of their friends seem unaware of the eleven plus and are making full use of their free time.
Eleven plus exam confidence shows up in your child’s willingness to put in that time, to go the extra mile to work through those practice questions.
It appears when they pick up their reading book and spend some quality time reading, and registering, what they’re reading.
They will also be willing to sit down and listen to you when you, or your tutor, explains where they might have gone wrong with a question and how they should approach a similar one the next time around.
Quiet confidence
Spend any time watching TV or films and it would appear that confidence equates to shouting out orders, being in charge or telling others what to do and how to do it.
That’s a very extrovert type of confidence and may in fact be a false veneer placed over someone’s lack of confidence instead.
What your child needs is a good level of quiet self-confidence, an inner belief in themselves that comes from feeling they’re going to be able to sit and pass their entrance tests when they’re at the right age.
How to help build confidence in your child
1 Set goals
No one would, or should, set off on a journey without an idea of the best direction to travel, which methods to use and how long it will take. The eleven-plus journey is the same.
Don’t just spring the 11+ on your child and expect them to be all gung-ho over it. Help them to understand more about why it’s important, even if you have to paint a more simple picture for the younger ones.
They need to know at least something about where they’re going and how long it’s going to take to arrive.
2 Celebrate effort
As a tutor, I’m always saying to my students to ‘have a go’ with those difficult questions and then they can let me see where they got stuck. I’m on their side and know learning can be a stop-go-stop-go process.
That’s why you need to celebrate what they attempt, and not only what they get right.
It’s all too easy to become fixated on those percentage scores or ‘should be getting X% by now’ stories that circulate on the internet.
Not all children progress at the same rate but I bet yours will put in some great effort, if you celebrate the fact that they’re having a go.
3 Praise perseverance
Preparing for the eleven will take up large chunks of your child’s free time. There’s a strong chance you’ll hear them say such things as “It’s not fun.” “It’s unfair.” or “My friends don’t have to do this.”
And they’re right. So be sure to praise them for what they’re doing, because they are missing out on some of the fun that other kids will be having.
The data shows that across the UK around eighty-eight per cent of your child’s year group will simply go up to their local state-mandated school in year 7.
Only around twelve per cent of children ‘get into’ their chosen grammar or independent school, so many more will try, and be unsuccessful. With this in mind, you should look to find reasons to praise your child for the work they’re doing, whether or not they’ve getting all of their questions right.
4 Don’t get upset about mistakes
We all make mistakes whilst learning, it’s a natural, and expected part of the process. It’s ok, therefore, for your child to make errors, typos, to misread a question or two. Don’t worry about it. Just help them to notice where they’ve gone wrong and see if they can come up with a way to stop it from happening next time.
5 Allow your child to fail
Whilst we all want the best for our children, it’s important to fail sometimes, since this teaches them that whilst we won’t win at everything, every situation is a learning opportunity.
Remember, however, that you’re modelling this for them – do you let yourself fail without beating yourself up over those results?
6 Help to light a passion in them
It’s all too easy for parents to tie up so much of their child’s free time but they should have a chance to do something that’s not directly related to their school-work or their eleven-plus preparation.
Maybe they’d like to join a gymnastics club, learn a martial art or get involved with a sports team. Let them find (or nudge them in the direction of) something that they could take forward over the next few years, something where they might be able to meet some new friends and have fun.
Then, when they knuckle down to another round of eleven-plus preparation, they’ll feel more confident and settled in themselves.
7 Show your love
It’s important your child knows, without a shred of doubt, that you love them, no matter what results they might achieve.
Win or lose, good scores or low scores and even when they’ve left their room untidy, again.
They need to know that you love THEM and not just what THEY DO.
Rather than tell them off (which means highlighting what they’ve done wrong) button your lip and find a way to praise them for what they’ve attempted (so they’ll focus on doing more of the same).
Make sure your child knows you love them and believe in them 100% and you’ll be simply amazed at what they can become.
And then you’ll find the eleven plus really is ‘a piece of cake.’
Start to grow your child’s self-confidence today
I do hope you’ll find these suggestions to help build your child’s self-confidence work for you – watch them grow as you nurture them.
If you’d like to find out more about how we can incorporate this into their eleven plus preparation you can contact us here.